Creating and working on my personal website has always been a major disaster for me. Surprisingly, it turns out that working on something for myself is often more challenging than working for someone else. In other words, I’ve realized that I am my own worst client. In this meta-kinda blog post, I’d like to share how developing my website has deeply impacted me and—as it turns out—become a way to find out about myself.

The quest for a personal website came from my need as a computer science student to showcase my projects and accomplishments. I envisioned a sleek online portfolio where I could highlight the work I've done over the years—from class assignments to personal side projects. Also, I expected this personal portfolio to work as an online version of my CV as well, to help put myself out there. So, this is what I settled on as the vision of what my personal portfolio would be.

Tech stack-wise, my first version of the site was quite rudimentary. I opted for static HTML and JavaScript, deploying it effortlessly on GitHub Pages. While this approach was straightforward, it quickly became clear that a more dynamic and flexible setup was necessary to truly fulfill the need for a more polished and professional look as a software developer/then-CS student.

It didn’t take long before I experimented with various frameworks and tools, transitioning from static pages to more sophisticated solutions like React and Next.js, as well as using UI frameworks such as Chakra UI and Tailwind. Each iteration taught me something new, not just about web development, but also mirrored my own growth as a developer.


Beyond my professional, and academic journey, I’ve always loved reading and writing. I love to pour my thoughts into words. I write as a way to synthesize information and knowledge. Basically, I write to keep up with the noise inside my head. And to be honest, I don't really write for people (not that I have a proper writing/journalistic background anyway). I write mainly for myself, and I tend to read my writings sometime later in the future.

And this is the basis of why I think I need a proper blog. I need a blog as a way of archiving my writings. I want a blog as a safe place to channel my inner thoughts freely, as I found out social media isn't really the best place for it.

The quest for a personal blog led me to explore various Content Management Systems (CMS). Through this exploration, I gained a deeper understanding of both static and dynamic CMS options. I experimented with platforms like 

. This hands-on experience allowed me to determine which system best suited my needs, balancing ease of use with the flexibility required for my evolving content strategy.

Right now, the blog you are reading is managed through 

. I know, it may not be the best or the most private solution ever. But I guess, for the time being, it serves its purpose as a CMS for my blog contents as well as even my Now page. On the plus side, Sanity also has a generous free starter plan, so this is why I settled down on this, at least for now.

So, for some time, I settled on a two-website strategy. I created 

 as the index portfolio page and then I also got 

 as a blog, repurposing the name of my personal side project on Instagram. This worked for a while, but over time, it started to feel cluttered. It was like I was trying to compartmentalize different aspects of myself into separate digital spaces.

Then, I changed my mind about it. I decided to merge everything into one single personal place for me. I wanted my website to be a holistic representation of who I am, encompassing my professional work, personal musings, and everything in between.

Right now, I’m still iterating this website. It’s a work in progress, much like myself. As it turns out, working on my personal website has become a way to internalize a lot of unresolved conflicts, doubts, insecurities, and all of that. By working on a personal website, I get to get a hold of my inner and even subconscious insecurities. It's a reflection of my growth, both as a developer and as a person.

As it turns out, working on my personal website has become a way to internalize a lot of unresolved conflicts, doubts, insecurities, and all of that. By working on a personal website, I get a hold of my inner and even subconscious insecurities. Eventually, it's a mirror that reflects my journey of self-discovery. It's a testament to my ongoing quest to understand myself better, to embrace my flaws, and to celebrate my achievements.

In the End…(it doesn’t even matteeeerrrr)

In the end, working on my personal website has been far more than a technical passage through software development; it has been a journey of self-discovery. From creating a portfolio to establishing a personal blog, and beyond, this project has pushed me to confront my own limitations and aspirations, both personally and technically. As I continue to iterate and improve my site, I embrace the lessons it teaches me about perseverance, creativity, and self-awareness as well as embracing the fact that something so “simple” can results in a lot of self-revelation and growth.

Building My Personal Website and the Unexpected Journey of Self-Discovery

Saya punya banyak kekhawatiran soal hidup saya. Kekhawatiran mengenai diri saya sendiri, identitas saya, dunia sekitar saya, keputusan-keputusan saya, hingga ke hal yang remeh seperti apa pose berfoto yang cocok saya peragakan ketika mengenakan jubah toga. Kekhawatiran—yang nampaknya kurang tepat saya utarakan dalam hari-hari menuju wisuda yang menandai resminya kelulusan saya sebagai sarjana dan menempelkan stiker berkilau berbunyi "

" dalam hal yang disebut sebagai citra diri saya. Ya, beberapa bulan ke belakang terjadi banyak sekali pergeseran, perubahan, dan pertukaran yang terjadi dalam hidup saya. Pergeseran besar dan kecil ini membuat saya 'merawat' kekhawatiran saya, menumbuhkan rasa curiga dan takut terhadap apa yang masa depan persiapkan untuk saya.

Padahal, 

 saya sebetulnya tidak buruk-buruk amat. Saya berhasil menamatkan Fasilkom dengan IPK mencapai target saya selama ini. Saya berhasil mendapat pekerjaan penuh waktu sebelum saya bahkan resmi wisuda. Saya masih bisa menyempatkan mengajar sebagai pekerjaan kedua saya. Saya sangat senang mendengar Green Day akan kembali konser di Jakarta setelah 29 tahun di bulan Februari nanti. Deadpool & Wolverine ternyata 

 jelek. Dan di luar itupun, masih ada beberapa hal baik lain yang belum ingin saya sampaikan, yang tak lain dan tak bukan karena kekhawatiran tersebut.



, mungkin kekhawatiran itu berdasar, pada akhirnya. Lingkaran pertemanan saya semakin kecil, dan saya takut lingkaran-lingkaran ini mengalami perpecahan untuk yang terburuk. Situasi sosial-ekonomi-politik negara terus menerus memburuk, membawa banyak berita yang sejujurnya saking buruknya sudah di titik memicu untuk saya pribadi. Pengangguran dan PHK di mana-mana, menyebabkan bahkan CV-CV kolega saya yang paling mentereng sekalipun kesulitan mendapatkan pekerjaan tetap. Dan tak henti-hentinya saya diliputi ketakutan besar atas masa depan saya—yang semakin hari semakin nyata rasanya bahwa saya tidak punya apapun atau siapapun disini. Seringkali rasanya saya hanya ingin memuntahkan semuanya lalu pergi menghilang dari peradaban. 

Untungnya, tulisan ini tidak ditulis untuk sekadar curhat dengan 

. Future Past Continuous bukan hanya tentang yang lampau, yang kini, dan yang nanti. Tapi, ini tentang mencari dan menemukan, tentang melangkah dan menetap. Tak apa kecewa dengan yang hari ini, karena hari esok akan berbeda lagi. Tak apa juga berharap untuk hari esok, karena tak pernah ada garis finis yang benar-benar hakiki, selain garis yang ditakdirkan Yang Maha Esa. Di titik ini, saya hanya punya harapan agar mereka yang saya cintai bisa bertumbuh menjadi versi terbaiknya, tak peduli dimanapun mereka berada—baik masih berteman ataupun berkomunikasi dengan saya maupun tidak lagi.

Future Past Continuous

Sebuah karya fotografi analog yang menggambarkan berbagai rangkaian peristiwa yang saya alami pada Desember 2022-Januari 2023. Difoto dengan kamera analog Fujica M1 dan roll film Retropolis 200 (ISO 200).

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Building My Personal Website and the Unexpected Journey of Self-Discovery

Future Past Continuous